It's Friday, January 18, 2008, I'm back in the hospital, probably through next Wednesday, barring complications. And I've seen how easily complications can arise. This afternoon I started my first 96-hour cycle of chemo, a combination of 5 drugs, 4 iv and 1 oral. Yesterday I had a bad day, there was a lack of communication among doctors, and they were giving me conflicting reports on when the chemo would start. I was upset because I was ready, and the sooner I start, the sooner I get out of here. I was also anxious to get started because the goal of coming to the hospital in the first place was to fight the spread of cancer, and for the last 24 days, I've been delayed because of surgery and all the attendant complications. Now the fight begins, Larry vs. the cancer.
It's now about 5 hours since the chemo started dripping in, and so far I've had nothing more than a very slight headache. The nurses and doctors tell me that side effects vary with every patient, but I can expect my hair to fall out and to experience some nausea, possiblyconstipation and/or diarrhea (maybe they'll cancel each other out, and fatigue, once I'm at home. I was given an anti-nausea drug just before the chemo, and it certainly didn't affect my appetite at dinner (penne pasta and meat sauce), I could have eaten a second helping. So I'm happy to say, so far so good. I think this is why I'm glad to get started, curious to see the effects.
Today I remembered to ask why I'm still shaped like Humpty Dumpty, losing weight everywhere except in the stomach (where I needed to lose it). The doctors tell me it's related to tumors which cause fluid to build up, and they are hopeful that the chemo will help. This also explains why it was important to start chemo, the tumors are growing and spreading and need to be attacked.
I hope all this detail is not disturbing people, I guess if you've read this far, you must have strong stomachs as I have. For some reason I just find it helpful to share, just putting all my cards on the table.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
5 comments:
Larry, I'm glad to hear you've started the chemo; I can imagine how frustrating it must have been for this last month, knowing that nothing they'd done was actually fighting the cancer yet. I hope the side effects continue to be relatively mild! Very best of luck. ~ Melissa (a friend of Paula's)
That's why I wanted you to start this blog. Tehy're good for that. You don't ever have to apologize for the level of detail: people are always free to read or not read.
I think you are taking the (mentally) healthy approach to this. Looking at it as if from outside your body, studying the effects these drugs have on your body, recording them, and analyzing them. I would think this technique would keep the depression demons away, and would contribute to your successful outcome.
Larry, I don't know you (I was directed here by your nephew) but as crowcottage said, I commend your approach to your situation. Your hope seems to arise from an understanding the events around you, as well as from the support of those who love you. Continue to focus on living your life -- not just prolonging it -- love, hope, and fight the good fight.
You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Hi Larry,
I'm Cally Perry, and I'm a friend of Paula's. I'm also a survivor-so-far ( 4 years ) of cancer of the esophagus.
My oncologist sent me to the dentist while I was waiting for treatment to get anything dicey taken care before compromising the immune system. And, no doubt, to keep me busy. :-) I wasn't expecting advice from my dentist, but here's what he told me while my mouth was full of tools. He said that while it might be my doctors' job to cure me, it was my own job to make sure I stayed healthy and strong enough for treatment. He said I had to eat, and that just trying to eat breakfast and losing it didn't mean I got to wait for lunch. I should eat breakfast again. And again, if necessary. And if I couldn't eat by myself, I should make sure the person helping me understood this, too. He claimed that you always get some of it down, and one day that might well make the difference between a cure and having to discontinue an effective treatment because I was too weak.
Ignoring the bit about how it was my doctors' job to cure me -- I'm inclined to think the whole business is my own responsibility and that second opinions are good -- I think the bit about spending time keeping strong was very good advice.
In the event, I only really had a problem keeping food down for the couple of weeks right after the chemo. Here's a silly, fun and probably impractical suggestion that worked great for me: if your schedule permits a week or two off, take a cruise. My in-laws took us on a cruise of the Caribbean that week, and that really was the perfect thing in a surprising way. It turns out that a whole lot of the annoyance of not being able to keep lunch down is that you then have to prepare yourself another !@#$% lunch. The cruise ship with a 24-hour buffet is truly the perfect environment for someone with difficulty eating. Nix to the bagel, how about cereal? Omelet? No? How about cottage cheese and fruit, then?
Another thing I realized is that one of the worst things about having a serious disease is the depression. My whole experience with esophageal cancer was aided immeasurably by the fact that, by whatever effort, grace or miracle, I wasn't depressed. Please try to hang on to your excellent attitude. An attitude like "You pathetic little disease, you have NO IDEA who you are dealing with here. Take that! (chemo) And that! (radiation) Ha!" gets you through the day much better than worrying.
One thing I tried and found very helpful in the battle against depression was to make sure I always had something to occupy me or distract me. For me, at least, discomfort and anxiety are both increased immeasurably by boredom. Audio books turned out to be just the thing for me. I listened to them in waiting rooms and recovery rooms and driving to
treatment. I listened while fitness walking or walking around the hospital pushing my little i.v. stand. I found a series of books -- the Sharpe series by Bernard Cornwell -- that were more along the lines of exciting adventure books than I might ordinarily have chosen. This worked great for me. I also tried to have something to do together, maybe a crossword puzzle, a deck of cards or something to read out loud, for times when I had someone with me.
I'll be rooting for you, and I'd be happy to talk to you. Please feel free to write or call any time.
Cally
cally usualthingy mail.com
cell: 508-three69-4171
Post a Comment